I have been trying to write this blog post for 2 weeks now, (#momlife), and it feels important not only to write it for others to read, but also for myself. Which, let’s be honest here, almost everything I write is in-part for myself. But this, this idea that I have stumbled upon and have been working on; it’s a game-changer. So it feels extra, extra important to get it out of my heart and on to virtual paper.
Lately I have been working on shifting my mind-set about what ‘success’ means. It’s easy to get caught up in the idea that success has to do with physical accumulations of things, number of likes / followers, dress size, house size, etc etc. Granted there is nothing wrong with wanting any of these things; in fact many of these goals motivate us. However, have we allowed these motivators to define how we view ourselves and how we gauge our own success?
What if we measured our success by how we felt at any given time, and searched for ways and thoughts that made us feel good? How would that change the way we operate in our lives? If we trusted our feelings as an internal GPS, the focus and goal would then become to feel good, rather than accumulate something outside of us. Can we just pause for a moment, and marinate on that? The idea that we can now let go of all of these things that society has programmed us to believe will make us happy, and focus on just being truly happy feels like an anvil being removed from my chest.
So then begs the question of how do we intentionally feel good? (And I mean genuinely, to-the-core-feel-good; not after-a-few-drinks-feel-good.)
I think the first step in this, is to just be aware of when you feel genuinely uplifted, inspired, light, happy or free Wat were you doing when you felt that way? What were you thinking when you felt that way? Who were you with? How can you incorporate more of that in to your day? And on the flip side, take notice of when you feel not-so-great; what were you doing when you felt that way? What behaviors were you engaging in? Who were you spending your time with? What were you saying to yourself? The trick here is not to condemn yourself when you’re noticing the negative, but to then go back to the thoughts and actions that made you feel happy, (pro tip: write it down somewhere accessible).
What I am discovering is that whatever I am focused on becomes more apparent in my life, so it is only logical to focus or redirect my focus on to things that feel good. I am not suggesting that I will never experience sadness or frustration or fear or hurt; (we all have those cry-in-the-shower moments–heck I had one yesterday morning when my one year old went on nap-strike). What I am suggesting is, if I sit in the mess for too long, retelling it to myself or others over and over again, I am only inviting more of it in to my life. You can file that under The Law of Attraction. It’s real, people, and I invite you to test it out.
So I’ll ask it again, How do you want to feel?
Once you have decided that, whatever it may be for you, I am encouraging you to seek only to feel this way, and let go of whatever circumstances you have been believing will deliver that feeling to you. Exercise because it makes you feel alive and strong, not because you think being thinner will make you happier; look for love because you genuinely believe you deserve love, not because you think having a partner will make you feel better; Kill it at your job because it feels good to exceed your own goals, not because you think money will answer your problems. Do you see where I am going with this? Again, it’s certainly fine to desire these ‘end goals’, but if you aren’t making the journey and process joyful, how can you ever expect yourself to reach them.